


Shinigami Crisis

by KiraHeartilly



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Comedy, Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27812926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiraHeartilly/pseuds/KiraHeartilly
Summary: The Shinigami Realm is in crisis and the Shinigami King has chosen Ryuk for a special mission to save it.
Kudos: 7





	Shinigami Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> **Content Warning: This story mentions the Corona Virus**  
>  I believe in using fiction to cope. This is my way of using humor to deal with the stress of the pandemic.

**Shinigami Crisis**

Ryuk bit into an apple, desperately wishing for a chance to visit the human world soon. It had been a boring few months in the Shinigami Realm. No matter how much time passed, he’d never get used to it, wasting away all day, doing nothing. Perhaps he _should_ have saved Light. That might have been better than getting stuck back here again. But it was too late for that now.

He took a look at his Death Note, maybe he could drop it back in the human world again. But no, the last two times a human got their hands on the Death Note, things had ended far too quickly. Sure, Tanaka Minoru had some good ideas, but the Shinigami King’s interference had brought that adventure to a screeching halt. Still, perhaps it was better than spending any amount of time with _that man._

He spread his wings, ready to take flight. With any luck the next Kira might have what it takes to keep him entertained. He bent his knees, ready to take off, but an unexpected voice called out to him. “Ryuk! Ryuk!”

Midora slithered toward Ryuk, her tail trailing behind her. “The Shinigami King has summoned you. He says it’s urgent and he needs your help right away.”

Ryuk grinned.

**~xXx~**

Near sighed. The world already had enough problems, he never expected something like _this_ to happen. He’d been relaxing in his room, playing with his toys, when suddenly Ryuk the Shinigami flew down through the ceiling.

“We need to talk,” said Ryuk.

Near kept playing with his toys, barely acknowledging the death god’s presence. “Are you here for your own interests? Or are you delivering a message from the new Kira?”

“Neither. I’m here with a message from the Shinigami King. It seems the Shinigami Realm is in crisis and he has given me orders to save it. I figured you’re the best human partner to help me with the job.” Ryuk studied the silent Near as he played with his toys. With a grin, he propped open his Death Note. “Refuse to comply and I may be forced to take drastic measures.”

“That seems awfully direct for _you._ ” Near set down his Lego Policeman and turned to Ryuk. “What exactly do you need me for‽”

“Gather as many world leaders as you can. Tell them that if they don’t agree to meet, they’ll be faced with an even bigger threat than Kira.”

**~xXx~**

Near used every connection he could. And on November 30th of the year 2020, the world leaders had gathered in a secret location, away from the world’s eyes. It was a large room, to accommodate for social distancing, and the leaders all sat six feet apart, wearing masks. An open laptop sat on a podium on one side of the room, and all eyes were focused on it as Near’s voice poured out.

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice. I understand that with the current crisis, this is a huge risk you are all taking. But I assure you, this was the best way to deal with the situation at hand. Have you all touched the piece of paper Watari handed out?”

There came a murmur of “yes”es from the audience, though some were in disbelief. It was the American President who spoke up. “What is the meaning of this, L? We are risking our lives to be here. You better have a good explanation for this.”

“As you all know, the power of Kira once terrorized this world many years ago as well as a few times since then. And as most of you know, that power comes from something called a Death Note. The page I had you touch comes from one such Death Note, and will allow you to see its true owner. He will arrive in a second. I implore you not to panic. He has something he wishes to discuss with you all, and he has threatened to use the Death Note if we do not listen.”

They panicked. “We’re hostages!” “This is terrible!” “We need the secret service to do something!” Near was thankful to be in a separate room, for it gave him the chance to quietly judge their childish behavior.

“I told you all not to panic. As long as we listen to what he has to say, he will not use the power of the Death Note on any of you. And I can assure you, his demands are not unreasonable. Quite frankly, while I don’t approve of his methods, I do agree with his goal~ for the most part. Now, he will enter shortly, so I beg of you _do not panic._ This may be difficult as he is quite ugly but, I assure you, he is not nearly as frightening as he looks.”

Ryuk rose through the floor.

Everybody screamed.

“For the love of- **Calm Down!** ” Near demanded, rubbing his aching head. At this point he’d normally have disconnected and passed the problem off to someone else, but the urgency of the situation demanded his attention.

Ryuk chuckled. “Humans sure are interesting. You all fight, squabble, and kill each other all day but you’re scared of me just because I look funny.” He landed next to Near’s laptop as if they were partners giving a presentation. “I am a Shinigami, one of several residing in the Shinigami Realm. Since as long as humanity has existed, we have used our Death Notes to take human lives.”

“Murderer!”

“Someone do something!”

Ryuk cleared his throat. The humans were starting to get on his nerves, but he had special orders from the Shinigami King and he needed to see this through. “You say that as if I’m the most dangerous creature in the room. Some, if not all of you, have much higher kill counts than I do. Now, before we continue there is something I need to make clear.

“Shinigami do not murder for fun. We absorb the lifespans of the humans we kill. And therefore, we depend on humans to survive. But you’ve all been dying at an extremely alarming rate lately. The Shinigami King fears you may all wipe yourselves out. And though we’ll be able to survive for a time, this could prove disastrous to us in the long run. And unlike humans, Shinigami actually care to plan for the future.

“So I’m here with a demand. You all get your **fucking shit** together and take care of this pandemic or else I’ll start killing you all one by one.” Ryuk’s grin widened as he watched half the leaders shiver in fear. “I don’t understand the intricacies of human society, so I’ll leave this for you all to sort out. But from what Near and I have discussed, a good place to start would be with shut downs. Keep people indoors as much as possible, give them the money they need to survive, and have them start wearing masks when they go out!”

He pulled a simple mask from his back pocket and put it on to demonstrate. “It’s so simple, what the heck is the problem‽ I even heard some of _you_ didn’t want to wear masks before the others insisted.” Ryuk shook his head.

“That’s ridiculous!” screamed a president. “We can’t live in fear!”

Ryuk opened his Death Note and gripped his pen.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!” The president curled up into a ball and began blubbering.

“I thought you said we couldn’t live in fear?” Ryuk cackled as he snapped his book shut. “So, you all better take this seriously. Do your best to save the human race, or else your necks will be on the chopping block.”

Near cleared his throat. “And while we’re at it, universal healthcare will probably go a long way in helping to control the virus. And to be honest once this whole corona thing is done we should probably make further efforts to preserve humanity or else the Shinigami will come flying right back.”

“Yeah, Near mentioned something about fossil fuels.” Ryuk took the time to look over the audience. “Look, there’s no point in me sticking around here when I could be grabbing some juicy apples. I’ve said what I needed to say. So I’m going to leave now and let you all sort this out.” With those words, accompanied by Ryuk’s unceremonious departure, the world leaders were all left stunned.


End file.
